He’s my first love, everything went fine, we reached three years, and I broke up with Him because of some personal issues (family, studies, self) not that i don’t love him anymore but i just don’t feel ready and complete yet at that time to satisfy him, (nonsexual satisfaction) but the responsibilities of a girlfriend. i was really wasted with all the mixed problems and it felt bad to keep up the relationship with me being a NO-GOOD girlfriend to him and him being the BEST BOY a girl could wish for to me. Cause that seemed unfair. Right?
Btw, I’m Kim, Kim Villanueva. And he’s Kyle.
It’s been 7 months of zero communication. I shut myself close, away from society. I didn’t talk to any of my friends, i even got rid of my sim card so no one could check out on me thru texts and calls, deactivated my fb account, and i turned into someone way beyond the line. I got grumpy over small things, i was harsh, i didn’t trust anyone (i guess due to disappointments ive gone thru with these special people in my life who i trusted whole-heartedly and still managed to drag me down, that includes my family. that’s what hurts the most) everytime a person would show care and concern for me or just the intention to get close with me, i immediately shut them off, and give them the i-dont-want-to-talk-to-ugly-people face. (so bad of me :/ ) I went mad of everything, everyone. THE WORLD, i hated it.
Then after sometime, i met with some friends to unwind, there he was, all excited to see me after the long hide and seek game of mine. I was covered with embarassment. How would I face this one awesome, snappy, the-love-of-my-life-who-still-find-the-will-to-hug-me-and-say-he-missed-me-after-i-left-him-hanging man? That was a man-up-or-die moment. It felt awkward for me. Oh God. -_- I didn’t show any im-still-inlove-with-you sign, cause i don’t want him to have his hopes up at the time i still wasn’t ok with all the mess heavens gave me , at first. But i just can’t resist it, i wanted to tell him how much i missed him, picked a flower on the side street, handed him it, but once again thought to keep my guards back (that was not a good sign, i’d only hurt him more if that kept up) “May nililigawan ka na?” I said. “Ha? Wala ah.” He answered. Oh my! He still is waiting for me. But too bad, I know it will not work for us. :(
"Balitaan mo na lang ako pag may girlfriend ka na."
Really? Really Kim? Out of everything nice to say that’s what you told him? It’s good if you wanted to get your heart broken! Stupid.
He gave me a smile, but still looked sad over that stupid thing I said. He was trying to hide it. My poor baby :(
why did you have to do that? dont you know how hard that is for me? to decide? dont you know it’s not that easy to let go but im trying cause that’s what you want. you suffered, im still suffering. You knew everything and yet you did that. How can you say you care for me?? You care? So that’s why you keep bugging me tho you know how painful it is for me to see you? :( i just love you so much and seeing you kills me. Cause I know how everything about us turned to everything about you two. Im always reminded of that everytime ill see you. :( I really want you back but i could just say that to myself. I shouldn’t show any weakness but im totally defeated. Y are you making me feel this way? :( Why are you so mean to me? :”( Why??? Im so confused ryt now. How is keeping in touch with me and saying you still love me being helpful with my hopeless feelings ryt now? You have her already!!! What else do you want? :”( You’re so unfair. :”( You have her and you want to stay by her side and yet you’re pleading for me not to leave. not to ignore you. Not to move on. :”( That’s so mean of you. tho i really i want to stay by your side and continue the way we used to be, that’s just sooo wrong for everyone’s part. :( Selfish. Selfish. I just want to forget everything about you but i just cant. :’( Biboy..mahal na mahal kita. At sobra mo na kong nasasaktan. Siguro hindi mo alam kung gano kasaket, pero sasabihin ko sayo, hindi mo to gugustuhing maramdaman. Just please decide. :( Sabihin mo na kung ayaw mo na talaga saken. :( Kase litung-lito na ko sayo. Tulak kabig ka. Playing safe ka :( please. Bigyan mo na to ng closure kung ayaw mo na talaga saken. :”(
Bat kase ramdam ko na mahal mo pa talaga ko. :( na mas mahal mo ko saknya :( pinipilit mo lang mgapakabaet kaya ka ganyan :( pero okay lang naman kung yan ang pinili mo e. Sna lang wag mong kalimutan na may naghihintay sayo, Na hinihintay kita. At obligasyon mong ipaalam kung tapos na ba talaga lahat para sayo. :( Please. Mahal na mahal kita e. Bigyan mo naman ako kahit konting concideration :( i really love you tangina nga e.
Hey guys. Who here experienced trying to open an ex’s facebook account and saw bunch of sweet messages from another girl. Exchanging sweet bla blas and even calling each other the way you used to call each other when you’re still on. then your ex is still on you, like, i mean, sweet to you, caring and still saying he loves you? How stupid is that? Y do i feel tricked? Is this ryt. Omygod. I dont know it would feel this way. :’( Im so vulnerable. Im so sorry for reading those messages, im not supposed to do that. But i still did. >< Im so desperate for doing that. Pathetic loser. And he’s denying his relationship with that girl, i mean not asking in a demanding way. I was nicely asking like an old friend. im hurt. But this is not suppose to be like this. i dont know. Y does he need to make me feel he still love me if he really love another girl. ok, that’s it. this is enough. my followers would creep on me upon reading this. Im sorry dear followers. i just need to let this out cause i dont have anyone i can talk to. one reason is bcoz i did the wrong thing. and all my friends would be disappointed on me for laying my hands on that account. :( im sorry. guys, pls, comfort me. im trembling while reading those messages.